


how to survive a zombie apocalypse; a guide for dummies

by kyanreki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Attempt at Humor, Blood, Comedy, Crack, Fluff, Multi, NSFW, Stoner! Bokuroo, Violence, not too graphic tho!, ok that was just one scene, they share 1 braincell, this fic is a mess honestly, unlimited cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanreki/pseuds/kyanreki
Summary: “You can’t keep a zombie as a pet,”“Why not?”“Because it’s a fucking zombie?!”“Yeah, Bokuto, zombies are technically still humans, you know, so that's kinda like, slavery,""Can you guys please just be normal for one second of your fucking life"All they wanted to do was go to the club, have fun, and probably bone or something. How the fuck did they end up in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 11





	how to survive a zombie apocalypse; a guide for dummies

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO i was bored and decided to look at my wp drafts and saw this story i wrote 2 years ago and thought hmmm it has potential and so i decided to revise it :D be warned, it’s probably a mess
> 
> english isn’t my first language so feel free to point out mistakes :>
> 
> also: this is not beta’d?? or proofread or something idrk how to use ao3 ive only been posting stories for half a year XD

-

Iwaizumi awoke from his peaceful slumber to the sound of his alarm. He grumbled and thought if it was even worth it to go to his job. After a short session of groaning and an existential crisis, he finally reached over his bedside to turn the alarm off. He sat up and stretched his arms above his head, the satisfying cracks of his bones shook him awake, and got out of his bed. 

It was Friday. He and his pals were planning to go to a club downtown and have some fun. Get wasted and ogle at some pretty boys. Big boy stuff, as Kuroo like to call it. 

He made his bed and went straight to the bathroom. He turned the knob, the warm water soothing his aching muscles. He took a quick shower and got out of the bathroom and grabbed his towel to dry off. 

He grabbed his work clothes, a white polo with "Miya Concrete Products Inc." embroidered in the left chest area, black skinny jeans, and his old pair of adidas sneakers, and put them on. He went downstairs and greeted his dog, Dogzilla, with a pat on the head. 

"Mornin' Zillie, want some brekkie?" The dog barked, as if he understood what Iwaizumi said. 

Iwaizumi opened the cupboards and took out Dogzilla’s dog food and poured some into the dog bowl. Dogzilla happily munched the food while Iwaizumi prepared his own breakfast. By breakfast, meaning cereal. Because Iwaizumi can't cook for shit. 

He ate the cereal quickly and glanced at the clock. Iwaizumi sputtered realizing he's almost late for work. He filled up Dogzilla’s automatic food dispenser and filled his water bowl. He hurriedly grabbed his car keys and scurried to the front door, yelling goodbye to Dogzilla. 

Dogzilla just tilted his head to the side and went towards the sofa to lay down and took a nap. 

-

Iwaizumi made it just in time for work. He parked his car in the parking lot and walked towards the front and saw his coworker, and one of his best pal, Bokuto, loading sacks of concrete in the back of a truck. 

"Oi Bokuto!" Iwaizumi shouted to get Bokuto’s attention.

Bokuto jumped and dropped the sack of concrete mix on his foot. He let out a squeal, making Iwaizumi laugh and choke on air. 

Bokuto huffed, "I hate you." 

"Aw, Bokuto, I'm so sorry."

"Nope.” Bokuto walked away and pouted. 

"C'mon, dude.” Iwaizumi persisted.

"Not happening.” He crossed his arms for emphasis.

"You know, I forgot to tell you that I was gonna invite Akaashi to our guys night..." Iwaizumi trailed off and smirked as Bokuto halted in his steps. 

"I'm listening,” Bokuto turned his head to look at Iwaizumi, intrigued. He has been pining for Iwaizumi's neighbour, Akaashi, for two years now. They've met a few years back when Bokuto and Iwaizumi went out to eat for lunch at a restaurant where Akaashi works as a waiter. Iwaizumi called Akaashi over and introduced him to Bokuto. They seem to developed the so-called crush at first sight, seeing as they were both a blushing mess as Iwaizumi watched the scene unfold before his eyes with an amused expression on his face.

Iwaizumi said, "Okay, I may have already invited him." 

"Really?! That’s great! I swear, I'm gonna ask him out this time." Bokuto said with determination.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that." 

"Heyyyy, I will do it this time!" Bokuto whined. Iwaizumi chuckled and walked towards the sacks and helped Bokuto carry them to the truck. 

Few minutes later, their coworkers showed up. 

"Osu! Excited for later?" Iwaizumi heard Kuroo’s loud voice and winced. 

"Jesus, Kuroo. It's too early for this." Daichi grumbled. 

"Oh, don't be grumpy. It's already Friday!" Kuroo beamed and grabbed the keys to the truck. "So saddle up, partner, and lemme take you on a roadtrip." Kuroo grinned, tipping his imaginary hat and got into the truck.

Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows, "Fuck off. Where are we delivering these?" 

"To Meteor City. The Phantom Troupe said they were constructing a skate park, I think."

Iwaizumi simply nodded and all of them went back to work. 

An hour later, Kuroo was banging on the door of the truck, shouting at Iwaizumi to hurry up. _Jesus, what did he consume this morning? I hope he didn’t eat ice cream for breakfast again._

Iwaizumi just rolled his eyes and checked if they had all the items loaded inside of the truck. Once he made sure that they're all complete, he got inside the truck beside Kuroo.

"Wait for us here!" Kuroo shouted at Daichi and Bokuto. He started the truck and drove away. 

-

The trip to Meteor City was, to put it simply, a pain in the ass, simply because Kuroo and Iwaizumi kept bickering over little things. 

"Kuroo, we already took a break ten minutes ago!" Iwaizumi groaned as Kuroo pulled over at another gas station with a convenience store on the side of the road. 

"Hush. I just need to grab some snacks. We'll be back at the workplace before 3pm." 

Iwaizumi facepalmed as Kuroo honked to a red car that was parked beside them, "Hey! Lightning McQueen! I know that's you, buddy! Hahahahaha!" 

_Lord give me strength_

"Alright, that's it! Get out of the truck! You clearly had ice cream for breakfast again, you’re too hyper!" 

"But-" Kuroo went to argue but saw the look on Iwaizumi's face and got out of the truck. Iwaizumi slid into the driver's seat and started driving to their destination. 

They delivered all the products with just a slight inconvenience (When they got there, two kids were fighting a clown? A magician? Iwaizumi and Kuroo were not sure. The kid with the fishing rod almost slashed the tires of the truck, and if it weren’t for the weird pink gum substance attaching to the line and stopping the momentum of the rod, the hook could have hit the tires. Seriously, why is everyone in Meteor City so weird?) and went back to the workplace. 

The sun was already setting when they got back. As Iwaizumi was parking the truck, he spotted Akaashi already there sitting next to Bokuto. The latter was enthusiastically telling him something and judging by the soft expression and that tiny smile on Akaashi’s face, Iwaizumi could tell that Bokuto isn’t the only one pining here.

 _What in the hell kind of shoujo manga is happening over here?_

Iwaizumi thought as he turned off the engine and got out of the vehicle. 

"Oh hey! Who do we have here?" Kuroo gestured to Akaashi. He smiled timidly at Kuroo, "I'm Akaashi Keiji. Iwaizumi invited me, if you're okay with me tagging along?" 

"No worries man. So, wanna crash at Iwa's place first? We can play some video games and leave at 9." Daichi said while gathering his things. 

"Yeah, sure. I won't mind." Iwaizumi shrugged.

Bokuto scratched his head, "Er, you guys can go ahead, Akaashi and I are going somewhere." 

"Oya? (W ͜ʖ ͡°) Okay. See you at the club then." Kuroo smirked at the two, making them walk away awkwardly while mumbling their goodbyes.

Iwaizumi walked towards his car, gesturing Kuroo and Daichi to follow him with their car. Kuroo and Daichi lived in the same apartment building so they use Daichi’s car to work. Which is very convenient for Kuroo because he gets to avoid commuting, and a test of Daichi’s patience because Kuroo often wakes up late in the morning. (Kuroo makes up for it by buying him breakfast from McDonald’s, so, really, Daichi couldn’t stay mad at his friend.)

Iwaizumi got into the vehicle and started the engine. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove to his house, with Kuroo and Daichi’s car following him.

When they reached Iwaizumi's house, the boys got out of their cars and walked towards the front door. Iwaizumi took out his keys and unlocked it. Dogzilla heard the noise and trotted happily towards the front door to greet his owner. 

"Hey Zillie! How are ya boy? Haven't seen you in so long!" Kuroo exclaimed and petted the dog's head. Dogzilla barked and wagged his tail excitingly. They sat down on the sofa and Iwaizumi turned on the television. He turned his head towards the other two and asked, "Wanna play Mario Kart?", making the other guys nod.

They ordered pizza and played Mario Kart for awhile when Iwaizumi heard his phone go off. 

From: Hooter 🦉 

wer r u ????

Iwaizumi inwardly cringed at Bokuto’s atrocious spelling. He looked at the clock and realized it was 9pm. "Oi, get your asses up it's already 9!" 

Kuroo turned off the tv and unplugged it. 

"Wait, I'm just gonna change my clothes." Kuroo said and grabbed his bag and headed towards the bathroom. Iwaizumi and Daichi realized they were still wearing their work clothes and decided to change as well. 

They all changed into more comfortable and "cool" clothes. Iwaizumi petted Dogzilla’s head and smiled, "Be back later, bud." 

"Can we just take Iwa's car? I'm too lazy to drive and I'll probably get too wasted to do so." Iwaizumi grumbled something about being the designated driver a-fucking-gain but said fine under his breath.

They all went inside Iwaizumi's car, with Kuroo insisting he rode shotgun. They arrived at _Pls don’t panic! @ da disco_ and found Bokuto and Akaashi outside. 

"Hey lovebirds." Kuroo greeted them with his signature smirk and went inside the club to look for a booth. 

Bokuto stuck his tongue out childishly at Kuroo’s back and followed him inside, but not before taking Akaashi’s hand in his. Iwaizumi noticed this and smiled, happy that his friend finally made his move. He put up with Bokuto moping around because of his non-existent love-life for _four fucking years_ and now, it finally comes to an end. 

The five of them got inside a circular booth which is dimly lit and Kuroo called for a waiter. Iwaizumi glanced around the club and grimaced at the sight of sweaty bodies tangled on the dance floor. He wasn’t really planning on taking someone home tonight and fucking the living daylights out of them-, 

_Oh, that is way too vulgar, let me rephrase that_ Iwaizumi thought and shook his head. 

He wasn’t planning on taking someone home tonight and _making love to them beneath the pale moonlight while I tell them how beautiful they are and hearing their whimpers and-_

Oh no, he’s already half hard. What the fuck. 

Iwaizumi internally groaned and lightly punched his crotch. He looked around the abyss of drunk sweaty bodies and caught sight of an angel. 

Cue the dramatic music-slash-slow motion-slash-everything and everyone is blurry except said Angel and there’s ringing in my ears blah blah blah. 

He was tall. Taller than Iwaizumi, for sure, and he had the prettiest face he’s ever seen in his life. His hair was perfectly styled in chocolate waves but still looked soft. He was clad in a simple blue button up and skin-tight black jeans that made his curves more prominent. 

Iwaizumi almost busted a nut right there. _Jesus, take the wheel_ Iwaizumi thought to himself. So much for not taking someone home tonight. 

-

Meanwhile, Oikawa noticed the hunk that was not-so-subtly glancing at him from the other side of the room and smirked. He downed the remainder of his cocktail and walked towards said hunk. The guy must have felt his gaze and turned his head towards Oikawa and finally making eye-contact with him. They didn’t break contact as Oikawa stopped at their table.

“Mind if I sit here?” 

-

“Mind if I sit here?” 

Iwaizumi snapped out of his ogling when he heard the guy utter those words. Because, he was so sure the guy fucking purred. 

“I- uh, um- y-“ Iwaizumi stuttered like an idiot for about thirty seconds and Kuroo, being the nice person (he said that about himself) that he is, helped his dear friend out and answered for him. 

“Yeah sure, forgive my friend over here, he doesn’t really know how to talk to a cute guy.” Kuroo snickered.

The guy let out a chuckle and sat down next to Iwaizumi, “It’s fine, I’m Oikawa Tooru, by the way.”

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou, this is Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji, and that guy is Iwaizumi Hajime,” Kuroo pointed at Iwaizumi, “there’s also Sawamura Daichi but he said something about a cute silver-haired dude on the dance floor and went to him.”

The waiter came back with their drinks and Iwaizumi finally snapped out of his reverie. He took a glass of beer and gulped it down in an instant. 

“Woah, Iwa-chan, slow down a bit, wouldn’t want you to choke.” Oikawa snorted.

“Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi furrowed his brows.

“Duh, it’s your nickname. Iwaizumi is too long,” Oikawa mocked. 

_You know what else is too long? My di- Okay Hajime, shut the fuck_

Iwaizumi decided to just ignore him and drank his beer.

-

Iwaizumi was in between the line of being sober and drunk of his ass. 

In other words, he was tipsy. 

And he was not in the booth with his friends anymore, folks. 

He was inside a private room, sitting on the bed with Oikawa Tooru straddling his lap.

"Let me guess, it's your first time here in this club?" Oikawa whispered seductively to the Iwaizumi’s ear. 

Iwaizumi shuddered and nodded, gasping when Oikawa grounded his hips, making his dick harden. He put his hands on Oikawa’s ass and squeezed, making him moan and rock their hips together. 

Oikawa sucked on Iwaizumi’s neck, creating a bruise.

Suddenly, a guy with outrageous hair burst into the room making Oikawa shriek get off Iwaizumi's lap.

"Kuroo what the fuck?!" Iwaizumi exclaimed and stood up. 

_Oh, it’s just Tetsu-chan._

Five other guys, he could only distinguish Bokuto because of his hair, also ran inside the room and locked the door. They were all panting and sweating making Iwaizumi confused, and angry because his dick is still hard. Oikawa stood beside him awkwardly. 

"We've got a problem,” Kuroo panted, trying to stabilize his breathing. 

"The fuck do you mean?" Iwaizumi asked annoyed.

"Well... um, so I met this guy,” Kuroo points at the lanky blonde beside him, “his name is Tsukishima Kei and I thought, Wow he’s the cutest guy I’ve ever seen, and-“

“Kuroo, shut up.” The blonde guy, Tsukishima, grumbled and looked down at his shoes. 

“And I was like, Hey babe wanna fuck? And Tsukki was like, yes please. And then he grabbed my crotch, and-"

“That did not happen, you idiot-“ Tsukishima interjected.

“Okay, jeez! I-“

"Get to the point, Baka-Kuroo."

Kuroo huffed at Iwaizumi’s insult, "Then there was this guy who burst into the club and he was covered in blood and he bit one of the strippers and everyone went batshit and I was all confused because no one even called an ambulance or even checked if the stripper was okay, you know but then I grabbed Tsukki and Daichi, who also grabbed uh, what’s your name?” Kuroo paused his storytelling and asked the guy who was with Daichi.

“Sugawara Koushi.”

“Sugawara, they were totally getting it on, by the way, I saw them almost f-“

“Kuroo, damn it, just get to the point!” Iwaizumi sneered because he is _sexually frustrated and his dick is still hard._

“Okay! Geez,” 

Everyone sighed at Kuroo’s dramatics.

“And we found Bokuto and Akaashi, they were also making out, by the way-"

"No, we weren't!" Bokuto protested.

"Shut up, you were. Anyways, we went here because we saw you go in here and we were gonna leave without you but you're the only one with a car, wait no! We went here because we can’t leave a bro behind, that’s our motto, right?” Kuroo nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his head. 

"Wow, what nice friends I have." Iwaizumi sarcastically said and rolled his eyes. "But, what's happening? Is everyone biting everyone outside?"

"Zombies." Everyone looked at Oikawa when he suddenly spoke. He blushed at the attention and sat down. 

Everyone was silent for a while when Daichi spoke up, "Okay, let’s assume they’re zombies because that’s the only logical explanation we have right now. But, how are we gonna get out of here?" Daichi asked, “We can’t go outside this room because there are a lot of people who probably turned into zombies by now.” 

Oikawa got up and opened the curtains. "We might have to jump outside of the window."

"Are you crazy? We're on the second floor!" Tsukishima objected. 

"There's a pipe attached to this building, we could use it to get down safely. But there are zombies outside so we might have to wait. Which one of you brought their car?" 

"I did." Iwaizumi said.

"Then you'll go first,” Oikawa peeped outside and saw a few people (zombies?) running and waited until they got further away. “Come on they're gone." Oikawa instructed and opened the window. 

Iwaizumi got out and held onto the pipe and made his way down. Oikawa was next and Iwaizumi made the mistake to look up because Oikawa’s ass filled his entire vision.

_Look away, Hajime, what the fuck is wrong with you_

Kuroo followed, then Tsukishima, Akaashi, Sugawara, Bokuto, and Daichi was the last to get down. 

They all rushed to Iwaizumi's car parked a few feet away. He pressed the button on the key to make the doors unlock but the zombies heard the noise and they all sprinted towards them. 

"Shit. Hurry up!" They all got into the car and Iwaizumi fumbled with the keys. He was panicking and couldn't get the key into the hole.

"Fucking hurry up Iwa! You wanna get eaten by those things?!" Kuroo exclaimed as the zombies inched closer to them and one of them, ahead of the others, banged at the trunk of the car. 

"I'm trying! Don't fucking pressure me!" Iwaizumi finally got the key inside and drove away from the zombies. They were fast and chased the car but Iwaizumi stomped on the gas and the car sprinted away from the club, barely escaping the flesh-eating monsters.

-

Iwaizumi pulled into his driveway and they all got out of the car and went inside the house, making sure all the doors and windows are locked. They all sat down the sofa and Iwaizumi noticed Oikawa was shivering and went up to his room to get him clothes. He grabbed his old Seijoh jacket and went downstairs. 

"Here." Iwaizumi handed the clothes to Oikawa making him smile and mumble out a thanks. Daichi turned on the television and switched to the news channel.

_Scientists are now starting to find a cure for the virus but seeing as this outbreak was so sudden, some of the scientists couldn’t avoid getting infected. The government is trying to evacuate every resident so please go to the nearest police station where military buses are waiting. Stay safe and try not to-_

The TV suddenly turned to static and Daichi turned it off.

"What now?" Sugawara asked worriedly.

"I don't know,” Daichi replied to him, “Check social media sites, maybe there are articles how to not get infected.”

Everyone took out their phones to look for more information about what’s happening and checked on their families.

“Hey! They’re sending everyone to Kyushu because apparently there are no recorded cases there so they put the entire island on quarantine.” Kuroo exclaimed. 

“Kyushu? That’s where my family lives! Hang on, I’ll call them to check on the situation,” Oikawa went to the kitchen for some privacy to call his mom.

“Oddly enough, my family went to Kyushu this morning, they said something about watching a skating show with Russian figure skaters called ‘Onsen on Ice’ or something? I’m not really sure.” Tsukishima pondered.

“Wait, yours too? My parents just left yesterday for Kyushu for the same reason as well,” Akaashi responded.

“Did you just say-” Bokuto looked at Kuroo then back at his phone.

“-Russian figure skaters?!” Kuroo continued.

“Bro, check look at this!” Bokuto exclaimed and shoved his phone at Kuroo’s face.

Tweet:

 _@teryuujima: *photo* look who’s with meee_ 😎

Attached to the tweet was a selfie of Terushima with a smug grin with Victor Nikiforov, Yuuri Katsuki, and Yuri Plisetsky in the background, the latter scowling at the camera.

“Whaaaaat! I’m so jealous, I’m gonna rip out Teru’s piercing when I see him!” Bokuto whined in distress. 

Kuroo shook his shoulders, “Dude! Get a hold of yourself! Snap out of it!”

Bokuto continued whining and pouting about the whole figure skaters thing and Kuroo is close to smacking him with a volleyball when they heard Oikawa mumble out _fuck_ when he came back to the living room. 

"What’s wrong?" Iwaizumi asked.

"Olivia is still at my apartment and I can't just leave her there!" 

_Olivia? Who the fuck-_

Iwaizumi felt a twinge of jealousy but mentally slapped himself because, what the fuck, they literally just met like, three hours ago. Not to mention, they were just making out before this entire zombie fiasco happened.

"Well uh, have you tried calling her?” Iwaizumi asked with a hint of bitterness in his tone.

"Um- she’s my cat," Oikawa trailed off awkwardly.

"Oh." _Damn it, Hajime, stop jumping to conclusions all the time, moron._

Kuroo bursted out laughing but winced when Daichi slapped the back of his head. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and grabbed his car keys. He gestured to Oikawa to stand up and wrapped his arm around his waist making Oikawa blush at the action. 

_Lmao, Hajime, what are you doing_

Iwaizumi ignored his subconscious and glanced outside the window. He was glad that there were no zombies roaming around. 

"Stay here, we'll be right back. Make sure all the doors and windows are all locked. I’ll text you if we’re on our way home, if the message won’t send, I’ll just do the knock from Frozen so you’ll know it’s me." Iwaizumi reminded and grabbed his metal baseball bat just in case. Iwaizumi unlocked the car doors from inside the house and when he saw that no zombies were triggered by the noise, he grabbed Oikawa’s hand and they both went outside and got into his car.

"Let's go to a store first. We need some food and weapons just in case. Then you could give me the directions to your apartment." Iwaizumi said and Oikawa simply nodded. 

They saw a 7-11 and Iwaizumi pulled over. Iwaizumi slowly opened the door to make sure there aren't zombies lurking inside and made a gesture to Oikawa to follow him. They grabbed some cans of food, ramen, some junk food, bottles of water, and sodas. 

Even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, they couldn’t refrain themselves from junk food. Awesome. 

Iwaizumi heard a noise and turned around, only to find Oikawa getting a slushy.

Oikawa glanced up and saw Iwaizumi looking at him with an amused expression, and looked down, blushing. 

"Dumbass, what the hell do you think you’re doing? How are you sure that's safe to drink?"

"Because it's inside the machine...?" 

Iwaizumi simply rolled his eyes, but let a tiny grin grace his face and grabbed the bags of food. Suddenly the door opened and a zombie walked in. It spotted Oikawa and ran towards him. Oikawa shrieked and hid behind the slushy machine. 

Iwaizumi grabbed his bat and hit the zombie in the head. It fell down but Iwaizumi continued to smash the zombie's head until the skull was crushed. Blood was splattered across Iwaizumi's shirt, making him take it off, revealing a white tank top underneath. 

_Oh man, I didn’t get to see his abs!_ Oikawa thought but shook his head, reminding himself that they just met a few hours ago! And there are zombies everywhere! And now is not the time to think with your dick, Tooru! 

Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa's hand that’s not holding onto his slushy, on one hand and the bags of groceries and his bat on the other and ran outside the store. 

They put the bags of groceries in the backseat and Iwiazumi drove away. Oikawa was still panting beside him and Iwaizumi put his hand on Oikawa’s knee to comfort him. 

Oikawa told Iwaizumi the way to his apartment and on their way there, Iwaizumi saw a kid with light blue hair yelling something about a _Dark Reunion_ or some shit. High schoolers are getting weirder and weirder each year, he thought. 

They got to Oikawa’s apartment and Iwaizumi parked his car in the front and they both got out. He grimaced when they walked into the lobby and saw blood smeared on the walls. Since the elevator is broken, they took the stairs to Oikawa's room. Oikawa unlocked the door with his key and went inside with Iwaizumi trailing behind him and closed the door. 

"Olivia? Here kitty kitty kitty. Pspspsps," Oikawa called out and hears Iwaizumi snickering behind him. A black cat suddenly jumped out and meowed at them and Oikawa cooed and picked her up. 

Iwaizumi petted the cat's head making her purr, “Well, aren’t you adorable?”

Oikawa beamed, "Isn't she? She's the most adorable cat ever! Can you help me pack my clothes? The suitcase is in the closet." 

Iwaizumj nodded as Oikawa opened his closet. He took out some shirt, jeans, and underwear and stuffed them inside his suitcase. Iwaizumi pretended that he didn't see the thong and willed himself not to get a boner a-fucking-gain, Jesus Christ. 

"All set?" Iwaizumi squeaked.

Oikawa tilted his head in confusion because _What the hell was that noise_ but nodded and grabbed Olivia and her pink princess bed and her cat food. Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa's suitcase and was about to open the front door when he heard some footsteps, making him halt. Oikawa looked at him, confused why he stopped. 

Iwaizumi motioned for Oikawa to be quiet and opened the door slowly. He peeked in the hallway and saw about four zombies roaming around. 

"Shit."

"What is happening?" Oikawa asked nervously. 

"There are zombies out there," Iwaizumi whispered and tried to think of a solution from the many zombie movies he watched, to get them out of there without turning into zombies,  
"Do you have anything to cover up our arms?" 

Oikawa frantically rummaged through his things and found an old piece of cardboard box. 

"Will this work? I think I have some duct tape over here."

Iwaizumi grabbed the cardboard pieces and wrapped them around his arms. He took the duct tape from Oikawa and plastered them around his arms to keep the cardboard in place. 

"How about you stay here? I'll be right back. Lock the door." Iwaizumi stated.

Oikawa furrowed his brows, "What? No! I can't just-"

"Oikawa, it's too dangerous! Plus you don't have any weapons. I'll be fine." Iwaizumi didn’t know what took over him and kissed Oikawa on the forehead. He went to the door and opened it. 

"Be safe, Iwa-chan." Oikawa murmured. 

Iwaizumi nodded determinedly and went outside, closing the door. The zombies must have heard him and ran straight to him. Iwaizumi swung his bat, aiming at the head of the zombie. Its head smashed and blood splattered along the walls. He did the same to the other zombie and it fell dead on the floor.

_Lmao these zombies are weak_

Iwaizumi was so caught up in his thoughts, he really needs to turn his brain off when it comes to situations like this, when another one bit him on the arm, luckily it didn't pierce the skin as it has cardboard covering it. He pushed the zombie and swung his bat and hit the zombie's stomach making it stumble backwards. Another zombie attacked him , making him fall. The zombie was just about to bite Iwaizumi's neck when something hit the zombie at the back of its head.

The zombie fell on top of Iwaizumi, lifeless. He heaved and pushed the zombie out of him. Oikawa heard Iwaizumi grunting and went out to the hallway.

"Iwa-chan?! Are you okay?" Oikawa asked worriedly. 

"I'm fine." Iwaizumi reassured him and stood up. He looked up and saw that there was a man with blond hair, holding up a baseball bat. "Boss?!" Iwaizumi asked.

"Boss?" Oikawa repeated, raising one of his brow and looked at the guy who hit the zombie, his eyes widened in realization, “Osa-chan?!”

The guy sputtered, “Osa-ch-, no! Wow, Oikawa, we’ve been neighbors for half a year already and you still confuse me for that loser,” he rolled his eyes, “Anyway, hello Iwaizumi-kun, please don’t call me boss, we’re not at work. Call me Atsumu.”

“A-Atsumu, I-” Iwaizumi stuttered but before he could get any more words out, a guy who looks just like his boss but with gray hair, popped out from behind the corner. 

“Osa-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’re safe,”

“Thanks, you too,” This guy, Osa-chan deadpanned.

“Wow, I can’t believe I’m being ignored right now.” Atsumu huffed.

“Maybe if you hadn’t make fun of my cat last Halloween, you would be acknowledged right now,” Oikawa glared at him.

“He was wearing a fucking _pink princess dress with sparkles_ of course I’m going to make fun of him.” Atsumu retorted.

“ _She_ slayed that dress and you know it!”

“Who even says slay anymore, what the fu-“

Iwaizumi tsked at the two’s bickering and looked out the balcony and saw a horde of flesh-eating monsters coming their way. 

“Zombies are coming this way, can you both shut up,” Oikawa and Atsumu halted and looked out and _yep, zombies_ “Now, Bo- Atsumu and uh, Osa-chan-“

“Osamu.”

“Osamu, right, are you both gonna stay here or will you come with us?” Iwaizumi asked and grabbed Oikawa’s suitcase from his room. 

Atsumu and Osamu looked at each other and nodded, like a weird twin telepathy thing, before Osamu spoke, “That would be great, thank you.”

“What are you guys waiting for? Let’s go!” Oikawa exclaimed and went downstairs followed by the rest. The three, and the cat, got inside the car while Iwaizumi put Oikawa’s suitcase in the trunk. He drove away just before the zombies could get their undead hands on the car. 

-

"Hahahaha holy shit Zillie! You sly little shit! I knew you fucked the neighbor’s dog! Was she good?" Kuroo threw his head back and laughed loudly while Dogzilla gave him a judgmental look as Kuroo took another drag from the joint. 

Daichi emerged from upstairs and saw Kuroo lying on the couch, half naked, and seemingly talking to the dog. 

"Jesus, Kuroo, are you serious? Getting high in the middle of the fucking zombie apocalypse?"

"Apocalypse?! Holy shittt, you watch American Horror Story too?! Fuck yeah, Daichi! Queen Constance snatched my wig, sis!" Kuroo wheezed as he coughed out smoke. 

“Can you shut your fucking mouth? If the zombies hear you, I won’t hesitate to feed you to them.” Daichi whisper-shouted. 

“Ahaha! Rebecca, it’s not what you think! I won’t hesitate, bitch! Pew pew!” Kuroo burst out into his famous hyena laughter and passed out on the couch. 

Daichi was close to popping a blood vessel. He was about to snatch Kuroo’s wig, I mean, joint, but decided against it and went to the kitchen instead, only to find Suga, Tsukishima, and Akaashi drinking beer and playing a card game. Bokuto was passed out next to Akaashi, his head on the latter’s shoulder. He jolted awake as Akaashi slammed a card on the table and yelled out, “Uno!” 

“Huh?! We’re playing _poker_ ,” Tsukishima furrowed his brows. 

“Wait, we are?” Suga asked. 

The three continued to bicker and Daichi saw Bokuto kiss Akaashi’s cheek before walking to the living room to probably join Kuroo in his weed adventures, and Daichi, poor Daichi, pulled on his hair aggressively and wondered what sins he committed in his past life to deserve this. 

_-_

Iwaizumi parked his car in front of his house and the four of them got out, Atsumu and Osamu grabbing the grocery bags while Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s suitcase from the trunk. Iwaizumi opened the gate and the four of them walked to the front door. Iwaizumi did the Frozen knock and waited for someone to open it. The front door opened and Iwaizumi was about to say something but saw no one. He furrowed his brows and took a step inside, only for his leg to bump into something and he looked down and saw Dogzilla looking up at him with bored eyes. 

__Did he open the fucking door what the fuck how_ _

__The four of them stood there, confused, as the dog let out a huff and turned his head towards the living room. Oikawa closed the door behind him and locked it before following the trio, and the dog, to the living room._ _

__What lies beyond the living room shook them to the very core._ _

__Okay, maybe not. Iwaizumi was expecting something to go horribly wrong, given that a pair of idiots, an over-salted french fry, an angel, a devil with a face of an angel, a dog, and Daichi were under the same roof for over an hour._ _

__Iwaizumi really thought that Daichi got them under control, but _nope_. There Daichi was, huddled in the corner, his legs against his chest, just staring blankly ahead, and _not making his way through the croooowd_ , mind you, muttering something about the gods cursing his very existence. _ _

____Kuroo was the first to notice them and called them over._ _ _ _

____“Yo! Iwa, wanna smoke weed- wait a minute, boss?! Why is there two of the boss, Iwa! Oh no! Is this some kind of doppelgänger shit?! Yabai, we are cursed! Bo-“ Kuroo’s ranting was stopped short when someone place a hand on his shoulder._ _ _ _

____“Why the hell are you smoking weed?” Iwaizumi asked with faux sweetness._ _ _ _

"Huh? Oh! No reason at all! Just, you know, vibing, chilling, and all that jazz." Kuroo said coolly.

Iwaizumi was about to pop a blood vessel. He walked over to where Daichi was sulking and shook his shoulders, "Come on, man, snap out of it!" 

"I have no reason to stay sane." He deadpanned.

As if the gods were taking pity on Iwaizumi and decided to help him out a little bit, Sugawara emerged from the kitchen and headed to where Daichi was sitting and kneeled in front of him. Lifting his head with both hands, he made eye contact with Daichi and literally just stared into each other's eyes for about ten seconds until Daichi sat up and broke free from whatever trance he was in and said in his captain voice, "Yoshi! Ikuzo!" while the rest of the guys cheered.

Iwaizumi had no clue what just happened.

-

"There is _no way_ ten grown men will fit in one car, us eight could barely fit, and now, two more people w-"

"-And a cat." Bokuto chimed in.

" _And a cat,_ will join us." Daichi protested.

"Well, we can't just leave someone here," Sugawara, the voice of reason, interjected.

"I told you, they can just sit on out laps, hmm, wink wink, Tsukki." Kuroo suggested, wiggling his eyebrows and tried to wink but ended up blinking instead.

Tsukishima tch-ed and rolled his eyes but didn't oppose to the idea.

Sugawara sighed.

Akaashi blinked.

Bokuto looked at Akaashi and beamed.

Atsumu shuddered.

Osamu stayed quiet.

Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head.

Oikawa nervously laughed.

Daichi face-palmed.

The cat meowed.

After a few seconds of pondering and total silence, Daichi announced, "Fine, we can just... sit on each other's... laps... _for the meantime_ , but when we find a large vehicle, we are transferring out," Everyone agreed and grabbed the bags containing only food and water, because fuck clothes I guess, and headed outside. No zombies were seen loitering around so everyone hurried to Iwaizumi's car and got in.

With only a few bags of (junk) food, four bottles of water, two baseball bats, the gang pulled out of the driveway and set off to Kyushu, anticipating the events that lies ahead of them.


End file.
